The poll is closed. Someone already tried to reopen it and the Front Office sent the email to voicemail. You wanted a draft date. You got one. Write it on the fridge, drop it in the group chat, and protect the calendar like it's a 1C:
Sunday, September 27th, 2026 · 3:00 PM
Twelve GMs. One Zoom. One puck.
That's two days before the NHL drops the puck on Tuesday, September 29th, 2026, which means you get 48 hours to draft a roster, fall in love with it, and immediately start second-guessing pick seven. The Canes raise a banner. We raise our laptops. Same energy, worse Wi-Fi.
Chris Dietz has left the building. The Calculated era is over. The spreadsheets have been archived. Taking the keys to that slot — and rolling in with a team name that already sounds like a health-code violation — is Josh McInnis:
Got That Stankoven On Him — GM Josh McInnis
formerly Chris's Calculated Team
Josh takes over that team slot and can keep one player from the roster Chris left behind at the end of last season. He does not inherit Chris's record — or the old team name. The Calculated era stays in the archive. The Stankoven era starts 3-18-free, with a clean sheet and a name the health department is already reviewing.
Josh, welcome in. The rulebook and keeper board are ready when you are, the $50 still goes to @Paul-Stojanovski, and the rest of us are glad the league is back at a full 12. You've got a good one on your hands. We're happy you're here.
This was completely random. No standings. No points. No “but I finished last so I deserve something.” We did not consult last year's trophies. We did not consult this year's feelings. We fed twelve names to the AI Hat — think Sorting Hat, except instead of Gryffindor it just yells a pick number and refuses to explain itself.
The AI Hat did not care that Josh Davidson just won a title. The AI Hat did not care that Pasta My Prime spent last season looking like a video-game glitch. The AI Hat especially did not care that a brand-new GM just walked in. The AI Hat is the only honest person in this league, and it does not take bribes in Venmo.
| Pick | Team | GM |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Boldy and the Beautiful | Jaimie Stojanovski |
| 2 | Raleigh IceCaps | Bill Blackburn |
| 3 | Eagle Fang | Josh Davidson |
| 4 | Pit - i - ful | Greg Bishop |
| 5 | Very Knies | Brian Moore |
| 6 | Trocheck Yo'Self | Kristin VanEnwyck |
| 7 | Take Your Kaprizov | Austin McNeill |
| 8 | District 5 Ducks | Stoj |
| 9 | Got That Stankoven On Him | Josh McInnis |
| 10 | B.O.B. (Brady Over Baghdad) | Dawn Reynolds |
| 11 | Team not Josh Allen! | James Reynolds |
| 12 | Pasta My Prime | Adam Vanenwyck |
Jaimie has the first pick, so the whole room waits on her — and whatever name she says first is the one the rest of us have to live without. Bill sits second, which is a pretty nice seat if you ask anyone who is not picking twelfth. Then the defending champ, Josh Davidson / Eagle Fang, picks third — because apparently winning a title and then getting a top-three pick is still legal. File your complaints with the AI Hat. It will not answer.
Josh McInnis debuts at nine, which is a pretty friendly welcome: enough of the board is still open that you can build something real, and not so early that the whole room is staring. Adam / Pasta My Prime closes at twelve, which is the universe asking last year's regular-season bully to wait his turn. The fun names will be thinner by then. The commentary will not.
Welcome to We The Hockey People, Josh. You've got a name that could clear a locker room and a ninth-overall pick that can still stock it. That's a pretty good opening night. The rest of you: the chair is made of hockey sticks, the AI Hat has spoken, and Sunday is coming whether your keeper is ready or not.
See you online Sunday, September 27th, 2026 at 3:00 PM. Have ESPN up, Venmo sent, and a better plan than “I'll just see who's left.”
— The Front Office